Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
