do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
