my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
