Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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