I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
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