i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
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