i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
and you fell through a lawn chair
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
