I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
