She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
