I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
