Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
The Olympian is in my bed
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
