Im at strip club and am horny
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
