The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
