I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize