Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
