I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
