I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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