i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
