the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
