it's too hot outside to masturbate.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
