I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Girls should come with a carfax report
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize