flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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