it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
