This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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