I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
