he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
