We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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