Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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