hell yes lets make some ravioli
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Randomize
