Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
