I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
