I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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