I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
