My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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