You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
