This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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