the condom got lost in my hair
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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