So drunk, too bad you don't want this
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
