Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
home. puking in laundry basket.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
