You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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