matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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