Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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