i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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