do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
