oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
