in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
