I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize