so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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