Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
