when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I deserve this hangover.
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