I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
