i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize