Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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