i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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