Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize