Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
