What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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