thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
