I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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