if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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