finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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