Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
