Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
