mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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