making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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